The Final Countdown...

As a secret rock chick, and from my teenage love of all soft rock comes my blog title this week. And it truly is the final countdown for me, whoever is in control of my personal film screening right now has their finger firmly pressed on the fast forward button, giving me zero opportunity to come up for air. To say that this course is all encompassing is an understatement, it has, (without sounding like some saddo from a TV talent show) been a completely life changing experience for me an experience that I will never regret.  I am not sure I really understood how hectic my life would be when I started down this path, and I sincerely hope that this path is not about to have an abrupt end.  I just need to be sure that the last pieces of work I hand in are the best that they can be, and that my revision notes for my exam are kick arse.  I'm certainly not giving up now!  I have come a long way since September, my mind is working far beyond its previous capabilities,  I feel that a whole new world of knowledge is opening up for me, but at the moment I'm peeking through the door in awe, but I'm not allowed to go in.  It's a frustrating feeling.  I'm a planner, in all aspects of my life. I like to know what I'm doing and where I'm going. I'm not big on surprises. Ever! Instead I am a perpetual Boy Scout I like to be prepared.  It's who I am, that will never change. However I'm not rigid in this, and can roll with the punches and think on my feet if I need to.  But I'd rather know ahead, I'd rather be able to plan.  And so here am I in limbo, where my life goes from here who knows.  I've always envisaged my finish line as getting the marks I need and progressing onto uni, however an alternate path has now become visible, it is a path I do not wish to tread, but my own self-doubt has put it there.  Whilst my ideal path is glowing with sunshine with the promise of uni, and a whole new world into learning, the alternate path is dull and dark, it is grey, uninviting, melancholic and sad.  I don't want to go down that path, but I don't get to make that decision. I hope and pray that my hard work will only lead me in one direction, to my dreams for the future, but the decision as to which way I go is out of my hands. And so here I sit, caught in the weeds with my kayak, knowing that Im stuck until help comes from either one path or the other to take me down the route Im destined to take. I just pray that fate will lead me into the sun, and not into the shade.  My theme song has gone quiet now, it cannot help me any longer, it is all down to me now, and whilst it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I'll be damned if I'm going to lie back and let the grey take over.  I hope Linzi is watching over me, and gives me a kick up the arse, as she was often prone to do, as I need her now more than ever before. So if you're listening Linzi, send me one of your happy dance tunes to help me onto the sunshine path.  Really miss you mate.  Wish me luck...x