Santa Claus is coming to town!

So, I've broken up for my Christmas break, from college at least, and I can just chill with the family. NOT!!! That's just not how I roll is it? I'm working until Wednesday whereupon my official Christmas holiday will start, but in the meantime, I'm organising the study I'm going to have to do over the holidays.  My lecturers will see the holidays as an opportunity to relax and let my hair down, excuse the hairdressing pun, however I cannot afford to drop my study momentum.  I have loads of work to do! And the sooner I get it done, the longer I will have to spend time with the family.  I haven't stopped, now will I stop paddling down this water way, but I may accept the offer of a little tow over the Christmas period. I'm still struggling to comprehend my first marks hitting the heights that they did, and to put even more pressure on I've already heard from three of my uni applications.  One, Anglia Ruskin has invited me for interview but I've had to request an alternative date.  Two, UCS are looking at my application, and Three, UEA were unsure as to my relevant experience so I have just finished writing a response which should hopefully answer their questions, and hopefully they will then be able to further my application. I've not heard anything from City College's HE dept yet but apparently that's nothing unusual. I want a shot at a degree regardless of where I end up having to study. Obviously UEA would be ideal regarding distance from home, but they also have the highest requirements from an applicant. I'm aiming for the stars, but I will settle for the moon, I just hope and pray that one of my applications is successful. I've bought a suit. Yes. Me. I've bought a suit! I haven't actually been interviewed for over 10 years but I'm hoping that I will be and do ok. If I have a guardian angel and they happen to be looking in my direction, I just hope that they realise that I don't want anything for Christmas, just the opportunity to fulfil a life long ambition. If you're listening Santa, please can I gave a place on a degree course for Christmas? xxx

Walking in the Air.....

Aled Jones gives me this weeks title, not just for my general feeling but it is nearly Christmas!!! I got my results, I'm still in a state of shock honestly. The first mark for Cultural studies came up on my ILP (Independent Learning Profile) and I didn't dare look, I felt physically sick truthfully. But finally I got up the nerve to look and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw DISTINCTION. A distinction!!! For me? Really? I cannot tell you how happy it made me. I did my happy dance and everything! Even shed a few happy tears! Now I worked so hard on that essay and hoped it would do ok, but it still left me unknowing as to my other results. Two hours later another result showed up, English this time, again I felt this sense of foreboding. I clicked on the results screen but shielded my eyes with my hand, afraid to look for fear of disappointment. Finally I opened my eyes and scanned down to the English result. Another DISTINCTION!!! Another one!!!? Had there been a mistake? Were my eyes deceiving me? I refreshed the page thinking it was just a glitch in the system but it wasn't. I'd only gone and got a second distinction! Omg! Me! I have had a niggling worry in the back of my mind since the beginning of this course, wondering if I was just kidding myself. Could I really study a degree? Was I clever enough? But I knew that whatever happened marks wise I would see this course all the way through whether it led to Uni or not. So here I was still waiting for my psychology exam results. I saw my tutor at college on Tuesday, and he asked about my results. I told him, whilst still pinching myself at how good they were.  I asked when my exam result would be on my ILP and he said it should be any day...the waiting was making my stomach tie in knots. He said I needn't worry because the course would get easier here on in... Easier here on in!!! What the hell did that mean? Now I plunged into an abyss of self doubt, if he said the course got easier did that mean that I needed it to? Had I done that badly? I decided it wasn't worth stressing over. As long as I'd passed at least the two distinctions could help to balance the books from a Uni point of view. And so I just waited... Wednesday came and went without the result, I checked the screen numerous times, each time experiencing that sense of foreboding. I checked in between clients during the day on Thursday too, then finally late afternoon on Thursday the screen showed a result...again I covered my eyes, dared not look, but finally I steeled myself to look.  My eyes slowly scanned down the screen, I knew the result would be at the bottom.  I read the result, re read the result, and read it again a third time...I got a DISTINCTION!!! Another one!!! Three out of three! I sobbed. Great big tears streamed down my cheeks! Seriously? Another DISTINCTION! I cannot tell you how happy those results have made me, how happy and grateful I am! I'm beyond chuffed! But. Do not for a second think that I will now ease off with my frantic approach to study.  This set of results has done nothing more than spur me on to wanting to achieve even more! I know I can't be marked any higher, but I can still improve, and I'm going to give it even more than I have been already. As I said to a friend in college, I know I'm in the right lane now, but that doesn't mean I should take my foot off of the accelerator. In so far as my kayaking metaphors, whilst I know there is still fierce currents ahead, I have learnt from the rough waters I've already travelled through, and hold faith in that knowledge helping me further down this waterway... X

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

And so I'm still waiting for my results!!! Yes, still!!! And as quoted above from the lovely Jack Johnson, who's music I love by the way, I'm sitting, waiting and wishing for my results. Wishing that these results will not immediately put my dreams of going to UEA next year to ruin. I need these marks to be good, but am I good enough to get the level of marks I need to achieve? I've been going through mental torture waiting for these results, and this waiting is like I'm paddling my kayak in pitch black, with a current that I am unable to tell if it is going for or against me. I'm still paddling, but I'm unable to tell if I'm actually moving ahead until I know these results. But in the meantime I'm still working hard, I'm getting better at organising myself as far as my studying is concerned, or at least I think I am. I'm just questioning everything at the moment to be honest. I'm really enjoying the course! I'm loving it, in all honesty regardless of this waiting.  And I'm really, really looking forward to CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! I love CHRISTMAS!!!!!! I've done some fab Christmas cards for my lecturers I just hope they won't hold these cards against me for future marking lol. But the whole group will be signing them so if they do take offence they will have to take it out on all of us! My theme song is still playing but it has had a Christmas remix with sleigh bells and everything! Hopefully this waiting will all be worth it, hopefully, fingers crossed, and toes, and eyes, no not eyes really but you get my drift...x