The fear...

I take this weeks title from Lily Allen, having just come through my first week of uni and with my first piece of work already imminent, fear surrounds me.  It's very difficult to feel like anything other than apprehensive at this juncture. I'm terrified, apprehension doesn't cover it honestly.  At the moment I feel that my kayak hasn't left the shore yet, I'm still sat on the edge of a stony beach in my kayak and assessing the huge journey that lies ahead of me. I just don't seem to be able to get into the water, but I don't know what's holding me back. Is it my own insecurity? I don't know but I'm feeling very much on the back foot at the moment.  I really want to move forward but I'm scared to try for fear of failing. That's probably my biggest fear. Of failing. Can I do this? Really? I worked so hard at my access course and did so well but yet now I'm suffering a major crisis of confidence.  And I don't know how I can gage confidence to push forward. Over this weekend I have scuppered my own study plans, I've struggled with concentration, I just don't seem to be able to get my head in the game. So how do I cut the tie that binds me to the shore? How do I get myself started on this journey? At this point, honestly I don't know. I just don't know right now. I think I'd got myself over confident about this degree course thinking it would be easy, and it's not, it's tough. There's a pile of books for me to read, and assignments ahead that cause me to panic despite their being months ahead. I'm very very worried. Please Linzi if you're watching over me right now, I need you. I need to get this journey started and stop worrying. Because right now, the tides moving away and I'm not moving with it xxx