Running before I can walk...

It would be fair to say that Week 2 of this course has had me running around like a headless chicken. Despite my considering my time management skills to be good, they are now being tested to a higher level than ever before. I seem to be on a perpetual conveyor belt of work, home and study. Whereas normally Id consider myself to be constantly moving at a reasonable pace through life, somebody has  just flipped on the nitro and the days are passing by me by at a rate of knots. Therein exists no space for anything else. I feel guilt at even stopping my study to write this blog. I keep having the words from the Fresh Prince go round and round in my head "well my life got flipped, turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute and sit right here, to tell you how I became a mature student this year!" The end part is very obviously my own but it does fit. I can still hear the music, henceforth known as 'my song' as I run from one class to another, and I'm still living the dream, but it has taken a slightly more nightmarish turn at present. I'm still ahead of the current, to coin a term from my love of kayaking, I've just got to push through and not let this turn of tide capsize me x

Baby Steps....

Ok so let's be honest I've been out of education, well this kind of education anyway, for a hell of a long time! And getting my head back into gear Week One was not exactly easy. In my day if you quoted someone else's work it was plaguerism, now it's citation. This is all so very new. There are very few mature students in my groups, for the most part I'm the oldest, and it's far too easy to settle into the role of mother of the group. I've learnt quickly that putting myself in that role just means others take advantage of my good nature, and sad to say on this course I have to be my own number one priority.  For once I have to be selfish. But I'm lucky my groups generally have a good mix of people.  There's a part of me that feels like I'm living out one of my favourite films "Educating Rita".  I'd always sympathised with the main character played by Julie Walters, and I can hear the music from the film play in my head as I walk along corridors. I'm living my dream, I'm sure there'll be times I will consider it a nightmare, but for now it's a dream and right now I don't want to wake up X

Let me explain...

This blogging lark is all very new to me. So to start a brief synopsis of life so far may help you to understand who I am. Born in a pub (parents were publicans and not heavy drinkers) in Long Stratton. Parents from London originally. Upbringing, spent most of my formative years with my eldest sister Michéle and grandparents as my mum and dad worked a lot!  Moved to Aslacton, dad worked away a lot which was just as well as our relationship was difficult ( best I leave it at that). At 13 my parents started to run a home for adults with learning difficulties from our family home. I got involved with caring for my brothers Paul, Trevor and John wherever I could. John still lives with my mum and dad. At 15 I was the victim of a serious sexual assault,  yes I know that's a funny thing to say in this kind of thing but I'd rather be honest, and it may help to explain how I've become the person I am today, in how I dealt with it. It was whilst I was volunteering at a camp for underprivileged children in Scotland.  I was compelled to keep it a secret rather than have the whole camp sent home through involving police.  But it affected me more than I let on at the time. I still did well in my GCSE's and went to college to study three A levels. Unfortunately I developed a blood clot on the brain at 17.  I didn't tell anyone. Not even my family. I was in a bad way, so sought solace in the wrong ways with the wrong kind of people As such my three A levels became two and my grades weren't great.  But on the plus side the clot broke down of its own accord, and I got better. It would be fair to say that my biggest regret of the time, and indeed in life to date, is that I didn't go on to get a degree, but circumstances, illness and family situation kept me from going beyond A levels.  After that I ended up training as a hairdresser- that all happened quite by accident- but it has given me an income. All through this time I battled with bulimia (unknown to those around me) and had just reached rock bottom when someone sent me an angel. Ok, maybe not exactly an angel but near enough, my Larry. He helped me get back on track and showed me what love really is, we got married 1999 and I carried on hairdressing and we set up a home and a life together! And started a family. Being a hairdresser has worked around getting to spend time with Meg (my beautiful 13yr old daughter) in her formative years but has never truly fulfilled me.  10 years ago I went 'on a break' and joined Norfolk Constabulary as a PCSO and that's where I met Linzi, the reason why I'm doing all of this now.  She was a force to be reckoned with was Linzi, once she set her cap on something she got on and did it.  Her biggest criticism of me that I procrastinate too much instead of getting on with my life.  I worked with Linzi as a PCSO for two years, and when we were split up to different stations we both decided our time in the job was over.  In all honesty I only stayed as long as I did because of Linz. She taught me a new way of looking at and addressing problems, and we just clicked from day one. I went back to hairdressing and singing semi-professionally.  Linz went back to working in as a custody officer. Our friendship stayed strong though I missed us not seeing or speaking to each other so much.  Larry and I went through a difficult time relationship wise, we got counselling, re found what we thought we had lost and are now happier than ever!  We renewed our vows in 2011. And life was pretty good all round in all honesty. Linz had always planned on moving out to Fuerteventura and retiring early (her and her hubby Graham) and finally just over two years ago she did it! I was so pleased for her, and the emails I received from her told of sunny days, and even through the context of emails you could tell she was smiling and very happy in her accounting for what she was up to.   Then last year, 2014, the day after my birthday I got a text from an unknown number asking if I was the 'Donna' that used to work with Linzi? From there it's all a bit of a blur.  It turns out that Linzi had passed away the day before my birthday. She was only 53 years old.  There had been no illness. The cause of death is still a mystery. She was gone. My best friend   At first I was so upset, so so upset, but then upon reflection I decided that if Linz were here she would kick my arse! I thought rather than mourn and be sad over the loss. I would, in honour of her, address her biggest criticism of me.  So I have striven ever since to get on with life, and not procrastinate over everything. "You talk the talk" Linzi would say "But you need to walk the walk". Instead of talking about what I could do, I've talked about my experiences as I've done them. This blog is evidence of that. So since then I've cycled in two charity bike runs of 25 miles and 16 miles respectively, I've re joined a local amateur dramatics group, in fact everything I've set out or spoken about doing I've done, even the simplest of things.  But I still thought that being able to go back to study, namely doing a degree, was out of reach to me. I looked into Open University and the prices were ridiculous!, so I looked at other courses.  First I thought that maybe I should look at doing some counselling training, then I looked into hypnotherapy and NLP. Then a chance conversation with one of my clients made me realise that a Degree may still be in my reach after all.  It was too late to apply other than to go in through clearing, and the learning curve of the form filling alone was immense! But the disappointment at not securing a place broke my heart. However I wasn't about to go down without a fight! I emailed the admissions team of the university and asked why they hadn't accepted me and asked them for feedback.  Their feedback led me to a phone call to City College Norwich and the rest, as they say, is history. So although I'm now studying for me and my family, and towards getting a degree place, and eventually getting my degree, I still owe a lot of this to Linzi. And I'm doing this for us both...X

New Beginnings....

And so you see it happened like this.  I'd gone into City College Norwich for an open day and the next thing you know I'm enrolled and starting an Access course less than two weeks later! Talk about a whirlwind! I'd only gone in to talk about applying for next year, and then without warning I'm given a slip of paper with a timetable, and they've taken my picture for an ID and I'm in! They say that when a door opens you should go through it, and under normal circumstances I would procrastinate and talk myself out of it.  But I'm not just here for me, I'm here for Linzi.  And as I'm gingerly peeking through the threshold of this newly opened door, she's behind me giving me a great big push! X